Monday, 23 March 2020

Beyond Survivor - Rising from the ashes of childhood sexual abuse


Why "Beyond Survivor" ?

I have survived much in the last four decades. From abuse in all forms, ill health, living on the streets, to business bankruptcy and personal financial ruin. I have found my way through and out of all these. In the process I found my voice!

Due to the way society views abuse very few men feel able to speak about what happened to them and many live a life in the shadows of the abuse they endured. I hope to be able to make these men see that they can speak out and seek help. There is life after abuse. Being a survivor is one heck of an achievment. Getting beyond surviving to the point of thriving is within the grasp of every survivor, male or female. We should all get to "Beyond Survivor".
After much encouragement I decided to publish my first book. The book is a mix of poetry, prose and advice, some of which has been previously published on this website. Much is new work not released before.
Without the support and encouragement of my online friends I would not be doing any of this. I dedicate this first book to you all. Thank you!
This is the first book in what will become the "Beyond Survivor" series.
I am in the middle of the next two books. One will be a self help guide for male survivors of sexual abuse and the other will be a novel based on my own life and experiences.
About Me
I am a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). I love words, written, spoken, and unspoken. For so many years my voice was not heard, I expressed myself through my writing.
As soon as I was able to read and write, I immersed myself in books. I was able to escape through the writings of others and eventually through my own attempts. Writing enabled me to express the pain, and the shame, of what I experienced. It later helped me to cleanse myself, to heal through the medium of writing.

I seem to have lived an early life surrounded by abuse of some sort. At a very early age, I was sexually abused by my grandfather. This went on for about twelve years. Others were invited to use me as they wished. There was also mental, emotional, and physical abuse from other family members. My body was almost broken, my mind fractured, but no one seemed to notice. I grew up thinking it was my fault, I deserved it.

Male survivors live within a society where a stigma surrounds the abuse of boys. It took me a long time to find my voice, to be able to share the horrors that tormented me for over three decades. I hope my words help you to understand.

Available to order now through

AuthorHouse U.K and AuthorHouse U.S.A

Amazon UK and Amazon U.S.A

Interview by Dr Nicola Davies Health Psychology Consultancy

Facebook Page "Beyond Survivor"

Saturday, 13 December 2014

Don't Have A Blue Christmas

Christmas is coming...... I have always loved Christmas, the build up, the sharing, time with friends and family. Almost every year as an adult I end up depressed....



It has improved over the last few years. Acknowledging the fact it exists, and then sharing that knowledge is so important. I know now the reasons why I struggle over Christmas.. A need to please, wanting everything to go well, I plan and prepare and plot too much. The grandfather was born on Christmas Day... That used to really bug me. Gifts I received for Christmas used to vanish soon afterwards and I'd get the blame. In truth he sold them to pay for his Whisky habit...

I almost got into that "habit" myself as an adult. Drink was such an easy escape, then mornings came and feelings of guilt, shame and the hangover. I hid this for years. It was always worse at Christmas. Now I enjoy an occasional drink, but stick to the milder varieties and rarely get drunk.

I spent a couple of Christmases totally alone, not seeing anyone. I hated it and now if I hear of anyone spending the day alone I invite them over. Christmas is no time to be alone.

‘Tis the season to be jolly..... Apparently December is not only the month where depression is most likely to hit you but it also has the highest rate of suicides. It’s the month where family and friends should be getting together, where you plan your Christmas and decorate the home etc.

Many things can trigger deeper depression in December...

Loneliness, bereavement and grieving, failed business or loss of a job. The breakup of a relationship. Ill health generally.  All likely to set you on the road to depression at any time, but worse at this time of year.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D) adds to the equation. I love Christmas but hate the short days and cold wet weather..





It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Coping with depression is bad enough, but trying to do so when everyone else is extra happy makes it harder to reach out, to ask for help. We don't want to stand out from the crowd so instead we cut ourselves off. Not wanting to drag others down into our depression we stand alone, and watch from the sidelines.
Instances of depression are higher in those who have suffered trauma in their earlier lives. At a time of year where people are getting together to celebrate, those with depression are most likely to feel more isolated. Unable to join in, to embrace the season of good will, they sink further and further into a pit of gloom.
Alone in crowd. I have often felt most lonely when there are people hustling and bustling around me, laughing and joking. Not wanting to spoil their festive fun I would either paint a false smile on my face or just vanish into the shadows. Christmas can be a very stressful time for anyone. For those prone to depression it can be a nightmare.



Though there has been more publicity over the issue of Christmas depression in recent years, it is still not understood. The most important thing you can do is tell someone how you feel. Reach out before the season starts and share. Communication is much easier now. Social media and the internet generally helps bring people together. Telephone someone, talk to someone. See your Doctor or Priest, just don't sit at home alone. There is no shame in admitting that you get depressed and you may be suprised to find others feeling the same way. All to often those who find themselves getting depressed do nothing about it.
Depression can deeply affect your life. It can sneak up and disrupt your work, your home life, your health generally and can lead you to neglect those around you that need you well. Grab a hold of the problem and do something about it.The most important thing is to reach out, ask for help, talk to someone.



Don't let depression destroy your Christmas or that of those around you. The power to do something about it is in your hands. Do you want to become another statistic? Please remember there is no shame in asking for help. This is the season of goodwill to all men and if Scrooge can do it then so can you. 

If you are prone to Christmas depression then reach out, tell someone. Seek help if needs be.
If you know someone who appears to be slipping into a depression or who always gets the winter blues reach out to them. It won't kill you and you might just save a life.

Be nice to yourself, be kind to yourself. The greatest gift is that of love so remember to love yourself too.


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